Love

" Love is not supposed to make your heart beat faster and your knees shake.  It’s supposed to be calming and reassuring. And it’s supposed to make you feel safe and secured. It’s not loud. It’s calming and silent that you don’t recognize you’re in love already."

 -Choose the Boring Guy-

If that is love, then he's the one.

But I took too long to figure out.

It speaks my heart.

Have you ever...?

Have you ever dreamed of a particular person frequently?

I did.
During my nap, during my sleep, he dropped by.
I used to wake up in shock but it happened so frequently that I am now used to it.
Not that I'm numbed to it, those dreams still manage to put a smile on my face.
Somehow, I couldn't recall much what the dreams were all about.
But I knew he was there.


Have you ever listened to a song you'd heard before and it brought memories to you?

I did.
I have two experience indeed.

First.
I haven't been listening to this song for quite some time.
The song is in a cd with songs from mixed artists.
After months of not listening to that cd, I played it again, without realizing the song will be played later.
When the instrumental music started to flow, it brought back sweet memories.
And I remembered how I felt when the long forgotten memories were brought back to life.

Second.
We were in the high school event.
Our juniors were raising funds by playing songs for people.
Without letting me know, he bought a song and dedicated that song to me.
Juniors announced the name of song, saying from him to me.
I blushed.
I got teased.
I didn't know what to do.
But it was a sweet moment to be treasured.

不要乱学

学不起。
熬夜。

弄惨了容貌。

有人说，容貌是给人看的，内心比较重要。

两人

我在乎的，不在乎。
我不在乎的，在乎。

他一直追，我一直走。
除非他跑得特快，不然永远都在追。
就算超越了我，又如何？
不适也不是。

如果只是一场梦

在脸书看到：

多么希望有一天突然惊醒，发现自己是在初三的一节课上睡着了，现在经历的一切都是一场

梦，桌上满是你的口水。

你告诉同桌，说做了一个好长好长的梦。同桌骂你白痴，叫你好好听课。

你看着窗外的球场，一切都那么熟悉，一切还充满希望。

不过，回到初二好吗？

Friendliness.

You're friendly.
We like friendly people.
But when you started entering the society, you're no longer as friendly as you used to be.

Society kills your friendliness.
People take advantage on your friendliness.
If you're unlucky, you'll learned the hard way and soon mask yourself up.
Just to protect yourself and survive.

What do you do when you feel down?

Came across this article title Each Myers-Briggs Personality Type Answer The Questions "What Do You Do When You Feel Down? "

I would say it's quite accurate.

Take the test here if you don't know which type do you belongs to.

Have fun. :)

我的一生会是怎样？

他们说，一个人临死前，脑海会回顾他的一生。


我的会是怎样的？我会有遗憾吗？

去年十月

这段旅程，忙里偷闲。

但我很享受每一个过程。

时间不长，但回味无穷。

此生有她们为友真幸福。

梦一场

如果我不在了，他的泪会不会为我而流？

他的反应会是怎样的？
脑海中会闪过什么样的画面？

闹钟不让我寻找答案。

还是没忘。
似乎扎根了。

一辈子

总觉得一辈子很长。

回头看看，一辈子似乎很快就过了。

秘密

偶然间听到一个秘密。

十年。

永不放弃。

He said

"I'll catch if you fall."

The sweetest thing I've ever heard.
Sweeter than the three words.

It's like I can go full force to do pursue my dreams and he'll always be there to back me up.

I remembered most of the moments with him rather than those with my exes.

Surprising? 

May be.

May be not.

毫无头绪

他说他喜欢我。而且很久了。

震惊。

那么突然，没有一丝痕迹。

而且距离上一次我知道他喜欢我已经是几年前的事了。

看回他之前写过的文章，没一个像再说我。想对号如座都不能。

而且，间中他喜欢过不少人。

他所谓的久是多久？

如果说喜欢我很久了，那间中应该不会喜欢上别人吧？

比较自恋的猜测：那些他喜欢的人跟我有共同点？还是他借着她们来忘了我？

不可能吧，这样的剧情，我又不是小说里的女主角。

怎么那么奇怪啊？

怎么想来想去都想不到。

去问他吗？免了。白问。

等答案吧。

等答案

等时间给答案，试过吗？
等时间给答案，很奇妙的一件事。
困惑很久的问题，久到快忘了，答案就突然出现了。
很神奇。

四年前，有人跟我说：
“享福时，别忘了造福”

当时在想，怎么造福？
等了四年的答案终于在星期二出现了。

In case you're wondering what's the answer I've got,
Just be an everyday hero.
Do small little gestures, say like open the door for a person.
Observe and offer little help.

举动 心动

我们没有很熟。

不同科系。朋友的朋友。

我的车就停在他隔壁。

碰到了就一起走去上课吧。

走在大路上，边走边聊天。

后面车子来了，他把我往内拉，说：“你走里面吧，安全点。”

感觉被呵护。

感觉很不错。

惊讶？十分。

感动？十分。

从没想过，他会那么贴心。

从没想过，二十一的他会有如此举动。

冲击是不小的。

不少

- 他 -
还是那个他。同个他。
以为忘了、不在乎了。
没想到背影都记到心坎里了。
哪来的忘了？不在乎了？

半夜睡不着，想打给他。
打了又怎样？
很想任性一下。
然后呢？
还不是一样。
太过理智不是很好。

- 我的性格 -
一直都在寻找答案。
the four temperament test

“You have a logical and analytical frame of mind. You are serious by nature and always deep in thought. You may also have great creative and artistic skills. You care about others and are always there for people in trouble. You make a good parent but at times you may be too 'picky' and make your children's lives miserable. You are also a good and devoted friend though you would like to remain in the sidelines. But do try to forget the negative things about people and get moody. 

At work, you are a perfectionist and adhere to very high standards. You are good with facts and figures. You are very particular about details. And you always finish what you start. But remember not to spend too much time in only planning. Set achievable standards and be appreciative of others.“

“You are a very calm and cool person. You do not get easily flustered and take all problems in your stride. You have a lot of patience and are usually kind by nature. You are reliable and consistent. You are patient with kids and their tantrums and share a good relationship with them. People like your company since you are amicable and pleasant. Try not to be too shy else you will always remain in the background. Learn to be responsible for your actions. And be adaptable to changes. 

At work, you get along with all. You will be good at administrative kind of jobs. You are good at solving problems and mediating between people. But do not get lazy or careless about your work.”

http://www.quibblo.com/quiz/dSdw-B0/Personality-Quiz 

我的缺点。
朋友说我隐藏得太好，看不到缺点。
朋友说我的优点也是我的缺点。
朋友说我适合当助理。
朋友说我很淡定，很少看到我慌乱的一面。


- 幸运抽奖 -
从不自愿参与。
觉得没必要。


- 让一个懂你的人来爱你，不要爱一个不懂你的人 - 
你懂我吗？

- For you -

I don't think you'll ever come across this.

I may let you know one day when I am ready.
Ready to not feel hurt.

It never fails to break my heart to see both of you drift further from each other day by day.

I've see this for years and yet I am still not numb to it yet.

Disappointment hit me from time to time.
My heart broke into zillion pieces, I glued them back and they break again.
Do recommend me a great glue that could hold pieces of my heart forever without breaking.

I would say that miscommunication, different perceptions, different values, misunderstood, unwilling to really listen what each other has to say are the barriers between you two.
What she actually wants is not wealth but you don't seem to know.

She wants your understanding, some spiritual input and quality time spent together exchanging thoughts.
She wants to feel appreciated and loved.

- 情绪 -

这几天的情绪没很好。

可能是小说。

可能是其他潜伏的因素。

其实也没什么，就想哭。

没特开心。

- 快乐建立在别人身上 -

临时想起教师节。

突然看到某老师走过。

就买个杯子蛋糕给老师吧。

买了、送了。

老师说：“you made my day. oh no. you made my semester. ”

开心吗？

有那么一下。

- 生病 -

病了快两个礼拜。

康复中。

她很贴心地买了瓶100号。

我总在向她学习体贴。

So True.

“You are the books you read, the films you watch, the music you listen to, the people you meet, the dreams you have, the conversations you engage in. You are what you take from these. You are the sound of the ocean, the breath of fresh air, the brightest light and the darkest corner. You are a collective of every experience you have had in your life. You are every single second of every single day. So drown yourself in a sea of knowledge and existence. Let the words run through your veins and let the colors fill your mind until there is nothing left to do but explode. There are no wrong answers. Inspiration is everything. Sit back, relax, and take it all in.

Now, go out and create something.” 

—Jac Vanek

https://www.facebook.com/berlinartparasites

直到最近才明了

1。我偏爱长篇小说。直到最近才明了为什么母亲偏爱短篇。

当时间被越来越多的琐事困着时，短篇是爱好与琐事之间的平衡点。

就如某些课题的书籍需要到了特定的时机才适合阅读。

某些事情也是需要时间来了解。

时间长短，因人而异。

或许你一辈子都不会了解。

还喜欢长篇吗？

当然。

2。直到最近才明了为什么人家说阅读可以了解一个人的思想。

以前不了解，因为所接触的书籍。

刚看完了陈玉慧的《征婚启事》，逢25周年出版。

里面包含作者与三个人探讨的课题：征婚、婚姻、爱情。

一些话就像在形容自己一样、一些看法与自己相似、一些是从未想过的层面。

• 作者寻找的对象的首要条件：聊得来。
• 面子书也是征婚的一种形式。婚姻那一栏就透露了。若你不想找对象，你为什么要在面子书上公告天下说你单身呢？
• “婚姻就是……当然，从此你的生殖器官就要被一个女人占有……” 
• “东方人的生活好像都是满满的，…… 好像不太容易有孤单感。我在欧洲的时候，即使最好的朋友，一个月也不过见一、两次，很多时候都是一个人…… 很多人都排斥有一个“孤单”的空间……”
• “因为我们华人好像不太了解有时候一个人应该要“独处”，或者“孤独”，类似这样的题目，他们比较不太容易接受这种东西……”
• “反而，你刚才说的那种身在欧洲的感到的孤单，我觉得严格来讲不是寂寞，而是很真诚地、好好地看看自己。”
• “因为这个社会有很多标签。可是，这些标签是谁定的？ ”
• “可是，你在征婚的时候见了一百多个男人之后不想结婚，是不是那个过程 让你很麻木，或者很失望？就是觉得不可能。每个人都那么不一样，你怎么可能在人群中随便找到一个？机率是在太小了。而且我意识到自己的独特性太强了，太跟人家不一样了。”
• “我在巴黎也遇到很多这样的男人，在街上跟在女生后面，他们就是会说出需要。东方人不会。在这本书里，有一个人会对他的朋友说，结婚很好啊。反而让我觉得，这是因为他们没有性生活，而结婚可以让他们有性生活。”
• “一般人还是觉得，结了婚可以有人照顾他们的生活，可以帮他们生小孩。我听到最后想说：你干脆请一个佣人好了。”
• “寂寞感不是结了婚就能解决的……很多人觉得，因为没有结婚，所以感到落寞。这些其实都是想像。很多人结婚以后，生活品质更差。”
• “我也认识很多仍然未婚的女孩子，她们说“不是他们不好，而是没有好到可以当终身伴侣”。”
• “现代女孩最后的选择是，你要跟一个不怎么好的人在一起，还是你要独自生活下去？”
• “是因为婚姻有一个很大的特色，爱情很大的特色，两个人想互相一起往前。往前是很大的生命动力，如果我们两个就停滞，一个往前，一个这样子，这个爱情就产生了落差，婚姻也是这样就没办法在一起了。”

看到第一点和最后一点，让我想到他。他到底是否了解我为什么不选择他和我为什么那么注重我要的条件。感觉上，他仍然不会明白。我很想让他明白，但他似乎总在逃避。算了。简单来说，不是你不好，而是没有好到可以当终生伴侣。

3。直到最近才明了其实我的想法没有很独特，只不过跟我想法相似的人不多而已。
看完了《征婚启事》，看叶杨的《FYI，我想念你》。

书名就像不同时期的自己，思念着不同的人。
“每个人的心，都有自己的凹洞。现实生活中，我们安静地活着；那些不能丢弃的过去，就安放在洞里。在需要的时候，我们伸手探进那凹洞，把那些东西掏出来想一想……”

4。直到最近才明了，我对另一半的要求其实很简单，一个了解并和我有共同兴趣的人。

5。直到最近才明了，年龄对男人的成熟度有不少的差别。同样的讯息，不同年龄的人。同龄的似乎还不太了解我的讯息；年长两年的一下子就把我冗长的话简缩成一句。

眼光不错哟！

照片换了。哇噻！帅！真的是人靠衣装，佛靠金装。平时邋邋遢遢的，一套西装就足以改头换面。西装威力无穷啊！

记得我们曾谈过从前。当时没接受因为一来觉得自己家境有点复杂，那么单纯的人还是别惹了。二来，他给我的感觉是以走下去，结局就是婚姻，不能玩玩。第二个理由让他骄傲。他说，除了他女友，我是第二个这么说的。想跟她说，你的眼光不错嘛！好好珍惜他，他很专一、很长情，他会很疼你、会让你幸福的。

至于我为什么不选择他，因为我想要的更多。而目前，我还在等。