回顾一月

新年，没啥感觉。就跟普通的一天那样，没特别兴奋。可能是刚从外坡回家的关系。更大的可能是累了。大约两个礼拜的时间，都有一大堆人和我住在同个屋檐下。每天见到的人很多，少了独处时间。把我的精力都快榨干了。蛮意外他会祝福我新年快乐。真的，很意外。

休息不到多久，就被赶鸭子上架教补习了。工作日，照三餐地教补习。独处时间大大减少了。周末变得格外珍贵。从没发现周末是那么那么的可爱。过了一个礼拜，真的很吃不消。但我爱上了这样的生活。早上醒来，载妹上学，上菜市，回来教补习，等吃饭，载妹回来，睡个午觉，醒来，教补习，吃饭，教补习，独处时光开始。每周五天过这这样的生活。周末就备课。喜欢这种规律的生活。从没发现备课对我来说是那么具有治疗效用的。它让我把心安定下来，那感觉很平静、很舒服。

记得之前教了六个月的幼儿园，之后不爱教学，只爱小孩。小孩子们很单纯，跟他们在一起很舒服。去年的圣诞聚会，我把时间花在陪伴亲戚的小孩们身上。看他们不用很多、很昂贵的礼物就可以开心整个晚上。一个气球就可以玩到不亦乐乎、满身大汗。这一点，在这个月，教补习时也发现。一张贴纸、一颗糖、一个便宜的小玩具就足以让他们整个发亮了。我终于了解我母亲喜爱教学的原因了。我也找到我之前抗拒教学的原因了。

后来，死亡亲临。对着那些丧礼的繁文缛节、一些中华民族的习俗让我看到了些事。婚姻、爱情。那么多年了，他仍然爱她、她也依旧爱他。分离那一幕，很心酸。发现自己不爱太多的繁文缛节、规矩。只喜欢简单。同时也看到自己有多么地幸福。生老病死，人生一圈。每个家庭都会经历，没什么特别。

教补习。了解了孩子们的家庭背景。整个补习班，至少有四分之三的孩子的家庭不完整。一些单亲、一些父母另娶改嫁，孩子由公婆爷奶疼。念书对我而言不是件很困难的事，但对一些人来说是真的很难、很难。现在的孩子们除了科技产品还是科技产品。折纸啊、手作啊等的动作技能都不太行。边看边跟边做也不太好。这些一次又一次地提醒我，我是多么地幸福。很多时候我都忘了他们还是个孩子、学习以及吸收能力都不同。我不能一昧地要他们达到我的要求而忽略了他们的能力。教学，尤其要教好，真的很费心费力。从来没对一个小孩那么生气、那么大声吼过。桑子疼、有股气困在胸口，闷了好一会儿才散开。

一个月就这么来到尾声了。我的新年计划仍然还没拟定。过了今天或许可以静下心、好好独处、想想了。明年就要实习了。真的，很快。看朋友们毕业的毕业、工作的工作、结婚的结婚。似箭的时光让我很讶异。当初期待长大的我，如今不太愿意了。

那天，我在想你十六岁的样子是怎样的？会比我高么？忽然好怀念被你静静拥住的感觉、你调皮的笑脸、你的一切、一切。有时候，我会不自觉地透过一些人格数据分析来幻想一下你。幻想一下你会是怎样的一个人。今天，一月三十一。迈入第七年。你，好吗？让我拨一小段的时间来想念你，好吗？我，爱你。

I'm an introvert ?

Came across this article titled 10 ways Introverts Interact Differently With The World.

1.They withdraw in crowds. checked

Seriously. I never fancy being in the middle of a huge crowd.

2.Small talk stresses them out, while deeper conversations make them feel alive.  checked 
"While most extraverts are energized by such interactions, introverts often feel intimidated, bored or exhausted by them. It's not uncommon in large conversations for introverts to take on the role of the quiet listener and then take time alone once it's complete. As Sophia Dembling, the author of The Introvert's Way: Living A Quiet Life In A Noisy World, explains in her book, it ultimately comes down to how a person receives (or doesn't receive) energy from his or her surroundings. Instead, introverts prefer deeper conversations, oftentimes about philosophical ideas." 

3.They succeed on stage -- just not in the chit-chat afterwards. 
"“At least half of people who speak for a living are introverted in nature,” according to Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, Ph.D, a certified speaking professional, executive coach and author of Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference. They simply play to their strengths, and prepare extensively. In fact, some of the most successful performers are introverts. Remaining on a stage, removed from a massive audience, proves far easier than the small talk-filled conversations that follow."

Still yet to be discovered. But I hate talking in a huge crowd though.

4.They get distracted easily, but rarely feel bored. checked

"If you're looking to destroy an introverted person's attention span, just put them in a situation where they feel overstimulated. Due to increased sensitivity to their surroundings, introverts struggle with feeling distracted and sometimes overwhelmed in large crowds and open office spaces.

However, when they are in peace and quiet, they have no issue tending to a favorite hobby or delving into a new book for hours. Having that time to take care of their inner selves helps them recharge while enjoying an activity they already enjoy."

5.They are naturally drawn to more creative, detail-oriented and solitary careers.
"Introverts naturally prefer spending time alone or in a small group, delving deeply into one task at a time and taking their time when it comes to making decisions and solving problems. Therefore, they fare better in work environments that allow them to do all of these things. Certain professions -- including writers, in-the-field natural scientists and behind-the-scenes tech workers -- can give introverts the intellectual stimulation they crave without the distracting environment they dislike." 

Anyway, I don't consider myself as creative. But I really love being in a small group. :D

6.When surrounded by people, they locate themselves close to an exit.

"Introverts not only feel physically uncomfortable in crowded places, but also do their best to mediate that discomfort by hanging as close to the periphery as possible. Whether it be by an exit, at the back of a concert hall, or an aisle row on an airplane (I prefer window!), they avoid being surrounded by people on all sides, according to Dembling.

"We're likely to sit in places where we can get away when we're ready to -- easily," Dembling previously told HuffPost."

Didn't notice much about this previously. May be not the exit, but definitely the side.

7.They think before they speak.  checked
"This habit of introverts is often what earns them their reputations as listeners. It is second nature to them to take their time before opening their mouths, reflecting internally, instead of thinking out loud (which is more common among extraverts). They may seem more quiet and shy because of this behavior, but it just means that when they do speak, the words they share have that much more thought -- and sometimes power -- behind them."

Simply because if I don't think before I speak, people don't get me.

8.They don't take on the mood of their environment like extraverts do.
"A 2013 study published in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience found that extraverts and introverts process experiences through the brain's "reward" centers quite differently. While extraverts often sense a feel-good rush of dopamine related to their surroundings, introverts tend to not experience such a shift. In fact, people who are naturally introverted do not process rewards from external factors as strongly as extraverts do."

Didn't notice much about this previously as well. 

9.They physically can't stand talking on the phone. checked
"Most introverts screen their phone calls -- even from their friends -- for several reasons. The intrusive ringing forces them to abandon focus on a current project or thought and reassign it to something unexpected. Plus, most phone conversations require a certain level of small talk that introverts avoid. Instead, introverts may let calls go to voicemail so they can return them when they have the proper energy and attention to dedicate to the conversation. (It may go to voicemail and I may not be bothered to listen and high chances I won't be returning call but I'll text.)"

Never like talking on the phone and I just couldn't understand how people do that. I used to avoid phone calls so much. Ironically, I used to long for the house phone to ring when I was young. Just curious about who's calling. lol.

10.They literally shut down when it's time to be alone.

""Solitude matters, and for some people, it is the air that they breathe." - Susan Cain

Every introvert has a limit when it comes to stimulation. HuffPost blogger Kate Bartolotta explains it well when she writes, "Think of each of us as having a cup of energy available. For introverts, most social interactions take a little out of that cup instead of filling it the way it does for extroverts. Most of us like it. We're happy to give, and love to see you. When the cup is empty though, we need some time to refuel.""

Seriously. I need PLENTY OF personal space. Weird enough to say that when time is spent out of the house, time is wasted. After a meet up with friends and family, I need days to be alone. Not to say that I don't enjoy being with them, quote something from the article: I need some time to refuel. 

HOW TO FIND BF LIKE THAT?! WHO CAN TAHAN?! LOL.