Saturday, March 21, 2015

你还记得几个?

人生中有无数个第一次。从婴孩时期到现在。爬、走、跑、跳、写字、念书、交朋友、考试、恋爱、学习新爱好、失恋、工作、挫折…… 你还记得那第一次的滋味吗?还记得当时的感受吗?还是随着时间的流逝,你逐渐忘了,那些感觉也变质了?可能变得理所当然、可能变得索然无味、也可能从当初的喜欢变成如今的厌恶。

在微信看到了这篇:
[悦音] 路上音乐
2015-01-21 写意大美

其实,路上的意义不只是面对巴戒庙
微笑的佛龛(kan1)和金阁寺脚下池塘的倒映
或者倾听亚得里亚海的涛声

从路的一头到另一头
颠沛的旅程对我来说并不是无意义的
留白
机舱里昏黄的射灯下
或者渡船上狭小的甲板舱
更能帮我找到通往内心深处的门径

与另一个自己不期而遇
看清自己心灵深处的挣扎与跋涉
这样的瞬间与场所怎可没有音乐响起
结果和目标是以一定要达到、要实现的

但是对于一个孩子来说
又有什么是比享受过程更难的教诲?
路上的音乐应该是这样的音乐
它能混合着节奏轻柔的“旅途感”,牵
扯着深深的“异域感”
它淡定得只剩下令人难忘的“朴素
感”,充盈着“画面感”
它用“谦卑感”唤起旅人内心的灵感
它让你可以伴着它随风飘向远方
从容地写下内心片刻即逝的念头

若干年后,当你再听到这熟悉的旋律
时,灵魂便会再一次即刻出发
路上的时光
是一张可以选择拍摄角度的照片
路上的时光
是一段你可以更改情节的剧本
路上的时光
是一座你可以添砖加瓦的庭院
是你最后可以稍作隐遁的“片刻桃源”
你的第一笔
往往是从耳边那段你最爱的旋律开始


我学习音乐的路途上出了些问题。当初的热忱已不复再。但我仍然、偶尔还会感受到我学音乐的第一次。把音乐盒打开、准备的那一瞬间,那感觉我此生忘不了。感恩我被给予了机会学习与尝试。

人生中有无数个第一次,虽然我记不起全部,但某些画面仍然被储存在脑海中的某个匣子内,安静地沉睡着。

Monday, March 16, 2015

Graduated world

What's your future career path? Where do you see yourself in 3 or 5 years time? What's your career goal? What's your strength? What co-curricular activities did you join? Did you hold any post? And the endless list goes on.

What's my future career path?
My current thought of my future career will be working in the corporate world for a period of time, say like 3-5 years, may be 10. Then back to tuition, where I'd found peace.

Where do I see myself in 3 or 5 years time?
In 3 to 5 years time, I see myself having sufficient number in my bank account which can support me travelling around. More specifically, in 5 years time, I see myself revisiting London and France again, speaking sufficient French and bringing a DSLR.

What's my career goal?
No goal at the moment. I don't intend to climb the corporate ladder. Go ahead and climb all the way you want but please don't ever talk me into following your footsteps. I'll do whatever that comes to me with the best I can. I believe hard work will pay off. Some said, some luck is needed. Well, let's not think that far.

What's my strength?
I hate this question. I would say organizing. But my wardrobe is a mess. Oh well, that's another story.

Why must I joined co-curricular activities to make my CV looks better?
Being realistic, having nothing on co-curricular activities can't help to secure a place during CV screening process. I have been debating with my inner-self for days on this topic, simply to talk myself into joining co-curricular activities in uni. Yes, for the past 3 semesters in uni, I joined NOTHING. I did signed up a few but attend NONE. May be it's the introvert me causing me not to attend any. I just feel tired after a day of classes. I just wanted to go home and cocooned myself in my own world. May be it's the late meet up time. Meet up time it's either in the late evening, say like from 6pm-9pm or on weekends, my PRECIOUS DAYS in a week. So, back to square one. I feel tired. My energy level is lower than normal people. I get drained out easily.
I was thinking that how does a post in a club can really signifies that that person really has the ability and characteristics of that particular post? He or she could have gotten that post because no one volunteered. He or she could have gotten that post and have some glory records but it's actually the team mates hard work and no contribution from him or her at all. All these why-s and inner debate bring me to exploring books on philosophy. Lol.
So, after all the lengthy crap, what's my conclusion on the issue? I found my answer from Timothy Tiah's blog.

Side track a little, after reading his blog, I am again fascinated by what reading could offer.
Side track a little more. You are so sure that I'm the one for you. But you're not to me. First of many, reading is not your thing. In this case, I'm sure that I've read more than you. I'm not saying how noble or knowledgeable am I for reading more than you. If you don't read as much as me or more than me, how could we share and discuss and give each other more insights and views and thoughts? That's what I'm looking for in a relationship. This hurts I know. My apologies. Just so you know, that's my thought and reason.

Back to track. Back to the root of having a job. Earn a living is the main purpose. If we were to work out from there, climbing corporate ladder means earning more. Some said it's for personal growth. My ideal personal growth is not through that way. I fancy something more spiritual. I don't want that much of money. It's pointless to me to earn that much and has got no time to spend and my health is traded.

Well, that's my thought. I have no idea whether things will go according to my rough plan. I've been thinking so much lately and bombarded my wise lady with lots of question. May be she's too annoyed by me, she said this to shut me off: Don't think too much, things have been planned for you.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

我要的、不要的

相隔了大约四个月,再次相见,怎么我感觉有那么一瞬间的尴尬?

听她滔滔不绝地在诉说即将到来的职场生活。应征了Big 4 Firm, 得到了。她,蛮期待的。有那么一瞬间觉得她说话的语气有着我从没发现的强势。她,自信、能力强。身为她的朋友,我为她感到骄傲。

这次都是她在说话,我在听。脑袋里的很多想法在上午已被疏通了,话也说了很多很多,接下来人就变得懒懒的,没特别想说话了。

她即将迈入的生活模式将不会是我所想要的。超时工作、晋升、能力变得更强大不是我要的生活。她会越来越好、越来越强。而我在这样的环境应该会凋零。我不想要和别人一起挤破头,挤进跨国企业。

金钱,够用就好。在工作方面变得更强大不是我的目标。我想要修、想要变得更强大的是思想、心灵方面的。心灵上的满足远比物质上的满足来得更好。

看到身边的朋友都蛮强的,有点压力、自卑。但是要我去走他们走过的路,我又不太愿意。若我肯去做,我行的。就是我不太想要。

一趟的英国、法国之旅让我想去学法语、想去了解该国历史。这期间和两个不同的人聊天让我看到那两人之间的差距。跟他聊天总是那么舒服、开心。聊聊我们对某些书的看法、偶尔我会丢一些问题给他,他会给我他的看法。我们可以聊天打屁、也可以探讨一些比较深入的话题。有个蓝颜知己,还不错。跟他呢,两个不同世界的人。我的世界,他在边疆徘徊、进不了。

和她聊天,谈到一个人,可以喜欢一个人几年之久,是一件很不可思议的事情。她说,如果得到了,那感觉会不会淡了?我说,得不到的葡萄比较甜。得到了,然后发现其实很平凡。